Do you really want
to know how to get rid of shyness? Are you prepared to forget everything you
thought you knew about being less shy and replace it with the truth? Then read
on.
The one biggest
mistake I see shy people making is being controlled by their emotions. Nearly
all shy people make this basic mistake.
- If you avoid people who make you feel shy, then you are being controlled by your emotions.
- If you avoid public speaking because
it makes you feel anxious, you are being controlled by your emotions.
- If you don't do something just because it makes you feel nervous or afraid, then you are being controlled by your emotions.
I hate to repeat
myself, but this is an absolutely essential point. In order to get over your
shyness, you have to become less controlled by your emotions. This doesn't mean
to suppress your emotions, it simply means to act in spite of them. Mark Twain
was the one who said "Courage is not the absence of fear. It is acting in
spite of it."
That is the
ability you need to build if you want to overcome your shyness. You have to
have the ability to act in spite of feeling a certain emotion. This means that
if you feel afraid to do something, you do it anyway. Act in spite of fear.
- If you raise your hand in class even
though it makes you nervous, you are acting in spite of fear.
- If you talk to people even though they
make you feel shy, then you're no longer being controlled by your
emotions.
- If you talk to groups and make public
presentations, then you are the one in charge now, not your fear.
Once you start
acting in spite of fear, you will become more relaxed and easygoing in
situations which used to make you nervous and shy. When you stop avoiding your
fears, you allow your mind to desensitize to them. In psychology, this is also
called habituation.
This approach is
very common for therapists to use on someone with social anxiety. In
cognitive-behavioral therapy, the "behavioral" part is acting in
spite of fear. Of course, many shy people can't or are not able to simply
"face their fears."
This is why
changes to your thinking are also a necessary part of getting over shyness.
That's the cognitive part of cognitive-behavioral therapy.
If you want to
learn proven strategies and techniques for overcoming shyness that go far
beyond "face your fears" and "what's the worst that can happen ", then click to check out
my blog on how to overcome shyness.
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